


Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C

by hnnnn



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, I would call it crack but it doesn't deserve that, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mutual Pining, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, Yuri is done, in away, me trying to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 04:18:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10959504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hnnnn/pseuds/hnnnn
Summary: an Ironic, Comic-relief, Crack one-shitI meant one-shot((no I didn't))Yuuri wakes up with more vomit than someone with a mild hangover should have and puts the puzzle pieces together a little differently than they actually are.





	Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C

**Author's Note:**

> Title is based on Bo Burnham’s Ironic

Yuuri usually isn't so eager to wake up in the morning, especially with a hangover but the need to empty whatever was swirling in his stomach was too much to ignore and stay in bed all day like he usually did after black-out drinking.

“Yuuri?” Phichit walked into their shared bathroom only to wince in sympathy as some more food tumbled out of Yuri’s mouth like a pink Niagara Falls.

“Oh~ Someone had a good time,” Phichit smirked once Yuuri was done.

“Eh?”

“Don’t play coy, I saw what happened at the party!”

Yuuri only rubbed his head and let out a loud groan. Party? What party? Oh right, Phichit pressured him to go to a party last night. He couldn’t remember what happened. He probably had one too many alcoholic beverages.

“You know, where you and Viktor disappeared together giggling like mad.” Phichit shrugged his shoulders side-to-side in a weird dance move-like thing. Phichit  _is_ a weird dance move-like thing.

Yuuri retched in the toilet again.

“I did what!?” The horror started to sink into his bones at all the possible ways he had embarrassed himself in front of the alpha male, the alpha male he had a crush on since his first year of high school. The alpha male he had a crush on for almost five fucking years straight.

“Yeah, it was awesome.”

“Oh my gods, what the hell did I do-” Yuuri had to stop mid-sentence to vomit in the toilet again.

“You usually have better control of your hangovers,” Phichit murmured, crouching down onto his knees so he can rub soothing circles into Yuuri’s shoulder blades. His playful tone dropping.

Yuuri made a choking noise, “God Phichit, what if-,” Yuuri couldn’t finish the sentence.

“What?” Phichit laughed, “You think it’s morning sickness?” he probably meant it as a joke, but Yuuri didn't see it that way.

“Yes,” Yuuri winced at how quickly he answered that. He sounded pretty damn ready to carry Viktor’s babies like some sort of crazed stalker that he may or may not be. Maybe, shut up dont judge.

Phichit whistled.

“Well then.”

“Shut up.”

“You should talk to him.”

Yuuri screeched, “ARE YOU INSANE?”

“Yes, but that's besides the point,” Phichit smirked, standing up and brushing the dust off his knees.

“Why the hell would Viktor even want to talk to me.”

“I don't know I think he was into you.”

“Only in my w i l d e s t d r e a m s…”

\-------------------------  
“YURA!” Viktor slammed his hands down on the customer service counter, “I think I'm in love.”

“Disgusting.”

\-------------------------

“I mean he’s just too god damn cool,” Yuuri stated, crying into the toilet seat.

“So cool,” Phichit murmured with awe in his eyes, head tilted towards the ceiling.

\-------------------------

“VIKTOR STOP CRYING YOU'RE GETTING THE MAPS WET!”

“YOU DON'T EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND MY LIFE YURI!”

\-------------------------

“Cool guy or not you have to tell him if you're pregnant,” Phichit pointed out after another healthy dose of vomiting in the toilet.

“Are you kidding me!? He'll be disgusted!!! Absolutely horrified! He was looking for a good time, a one-night-stand with an omega, not a family.”

\-------------------------

“Do you think he’d like the name, Tori? Like a combination of our names? Or would he find that too cliché, but Tori is a common name.”

“Y’know if he heard you fantasizing about your future children together he’d vomit. You're being a creep, Viktor.”

\-------------------------

Yuuri turned to the toilet to empty whatever was left in his stomach.

“You don't know that.”

“Trust me,” He deadpanned in a croaky voice after he was finished bending over the toilet, “Why would he like anyone like me, I'm horrible!”

\-------------------------

“YURACHKA! I can't believe you'd ever call precious Yuuri such hurtful words~” Viktor’s scolding turned into more sobbing while Yuri just stared with disgust in his eye.

“I just said he was a failu-”

“I love him so much why won't he text me am I being too much? Maybe I am being a bit too much. It has only been a day and he was pretty drunk he's probably dealing with a hangover but what if he doesn't like me and was just under the influence of alcohol and he's blowing me off, much like how he did last night, oh how do I manage? I know I'll just go to his d-”

“VIKTOR, SHUT UP!”

 

\-------------------------

 

“If it’s any comfort, I don’t think you're horrible,” Phichit kneeled beside Yuuri to once more start rubbing comforting circles into his shoulder blades again.

“He probably doesn't even want to see me,” Yuuri sobbed.

\-------------------------

“466...467...468...469! Here we are!” Viktor cheered when he reached Yuuri’s dorm door.

He knocked.

There was a loud crashing noise from inside.

Huh. Weird.

He continued grinning like an idiot.

He was an idiot.

An idiot in love though so your argument is invalid.

The door swung open and Viktor jumped.

\-------------------------

“Yuuri, Viktor’s here.” Phichit's tone was monotone, like a mum telling her son that his best friend is over to play.

Yuuri fell off the coach.

What.

“OHAYO YUURI!!!!!” Viktor waved his hand vigorously when he saw Yuuri, his feet tangled in the blanket on the couch, neck propped up uncomfortably by the coffee table from his fall.

Yuuri had finally stopped his feverish vomiting and had moved himself to the coach.

“Oh? Yuuri you don't look very well,” Viktor remarked as he cautiously walked towards Yuuri.

Yuuri scrambled from his position but found himself too exhausted to get far, collapsing on the floor with a groan.

“Yuuri, you didn't eat the piroshki my brother brought, did you?”

What.

“Yurachka always makes sure the meat is undercooked, he always gets a kick from it. I’m so sorry.”

Viktor bent down into a squat to feel Yuuri’s head and winced sympathetically.

“I know an apology won't cover it so how about I stay and help look after you? I can't leave you alone with only one person with salmonella, it's too much of a handful.

Salmonella…

oh.

“Thanks, Viktor, that would be awesome.”

Viktor beamed, "You're so cute."

Yuuri choked.

_~fin~_

**Author's Note:**

> god, I wanna say sorry. I'm sorry, man


End file.
